....It is One of Those Nights

Here I am sitting at my desk wanting to call it a night. Although my body is physically worn out, my mind is racing and pacing back in forth in thought.

As I drink my punch flavored Juicy Juice out of it's juice box, I cannot help but be reminded of sitting in the back of my friend's car in a black leotard while her mother drove us to ballet lessons. And it is hitting me how quickly my life is passing by. It is hitting me how much of my life I have let pass by without ever turning my head. I cannot help but think about my day, this past Fall semester, the past year of my life. I've changed. I've grown.

I thank God for that.

A week ago, I wrote an entry is regards to not losing hope, not giving up and facing the fears of failure. Since last week, I am already stronger. I can assure you that I had much anxiety for what was in store me this week. I could sense something was lurking nearby. The unsettling notion became reality and I grew weary. I prayed. I thought everything over. I planned ahead. I asked for advice. I prayed.

God listened.

God listened. He arrived when I needed Him most and why I was so shocked at His presence is beyond me. I should know better. Like everyone, I do not always have the strongest faith. Faith in Him or myself. I am human. I make mistakes. Can I learn from my mistakes and weaknesses? Of course. That is one of my many goals this year.

Last evening is an example of my growth and the strength that I've been able to develop over the past year. I have opened my heart and mind to changing for the better and asking myself "What can I do differently next time?" or "How can I change positively from this?". Believe me, this mind set is so much more enlightening then focusing on someone who is rude to you or goes out of their way to upset you. Focusing on your own self growth is one of the greatest ways to heal and move past hurtful events.

I'm learning. I'm observing. I'm seeking a better life. I'm finally living my life for me and what God intended for me from the start. No longer will I sacrifice who I am for someone who never meant well. No longer will I yield to bettering myself because someone does not feel I need to be better. No longer will I put myself worth into what others say or think of me. I'm proud of who I am and it is about time I started showing it.

Tonight was a start.