...Bystander...

    

Why is it when there is a time to stand up or step in, most people do not? A show I have watched in the past always made me wonder what I would do in an uncomfortable situation? Would I speak up or just stand there?

    Well, tonight, I  was among the crowd that did not step in when I should have. I cannot exactly tell you why I did not but I am still kicking myself for not. Here is how it went down.

     I was standing in front of the cash wrap at one the hipster coffee shops in Nashville, deciding what all I should get to eat for dinner. Everything seemed ordinary. I was amongst strangers who sat quietly, staring at computer screens and conversing. Directly behind me sat on older gentleman with a girl who seemed around the age of four or five. Of course, all children pitch a fit at some point or another. Typically, if a child acts up enough in a public place, they are removed and taken aside to be spoken with or disciplined. Well, not in this case. She proceeds to whine, then cry, then yell, and then scream bloody murder. He sits there while trying to put her coat on and she continues to  scream. I figured he may just become so embarrassed that he would leave with her in hand. No. Instead, he freaks out and starts screaming at her and called her “stupid”. I shuttered and had to take a minute before signing my debit card receipt. Everyone somewhat froze in their chairs. One guy stood up with his jaw dropped. We call wanted to do something. I came so close to speaking to him and telling him to stop. I did not have it in me. 

       I wonder why I could not. This little girl obviously is a victim in her up bringing and then is being verbally abused in public. A small child being told she is “stupid” by her father figure. Wow. And no one said a word. It was not a concern of whether it was my business but a matter of what will this guy do if I step in and say something? I let “what ifs” take the place of action and I know can see I may be one of those bystanders.

       To be honest, I do not want to be like that. There could be a time when someone may really need help and I do not want to be scared. It should not come down to that. I do not want to be just another person who looks and walks away.

       So, how does one prepare themselves for such situations? I admire anyone who can step up to the plate at a moments notice.

The Cave - Mumford and Sons

It's empty in the valley of your heart
The sun, it rises slowly as you walk
Away from all the fears
And all the faults you've left behind

The harvest left no food for you to eat
You cannibal, you meat-eater, you see
But I have seen the same
I know the shame in your defeat

But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

Cause I have other things to fill my time
You take what is yours and I'll take mine
Now let me at the truth
Which will refresh my broken mind

So tie me to a post and block my ears
I can see widows and orphans through my tears
I know my call despite my faults
And despite my growing fears

But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

So come out of your cave walking on your hands
And see the world hanging upside down
You can understand dependence
When you know the maker's hand

So make your siren's call
And sing all you want
I will not hear what you have to say

Cause I need freedom now
And I need to know how
To live my life as it's meant to be

And I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmania.com/the_cave_lyrics_mumford_and_sons.html
All about Mumford And+Sons: http://www.musictory.com/music/Mumford+And+Sons

A Little Restoration Would be Nice

I am really hoping that I am on the right track at this point in my life. As I approach my 24th year of existence ( I sound so dramatic... ), I cannot help but think “When is this all going to make sense?”. Right now, I would really appreciate some understanding of what everything means. It does not seem to be getting any easier. And these are supposed to be the “years of my life”.

It is very possible and very likely that I just over think everything and I care too much. Actually, this makes complete sense seeing as I fall into the ENFJ (Meyers Briggs) category. There was a time when I was so confident and happy with my looks and actions. Due to life happenings and heartbreak, it took a toll on my soul; what makes me. Now, I seem to wonder if anything I say or do is right. Maybe this is why I have started to resort to staying in more and keeping to myself; that I am fighting. Life is saddening when you allow the effects of the past to continue to inflict damage in present time. 

I am just now realizing how true this is for me. While I am so happy with how things are turning out and love many aspects of my life, I feel so lost in other parts. I over think, I worry, I doubt and I never used to as much as I do now. I am only 24 but there are so many things I cannot unbend. There are some things that I take so seriously and maybe that is what makes me stand apart from other people my age. Am I taking this life too seriously at my age?

Finding a solution to all these thoughts and worries seems far fetched. I feel that some of my worries can only be overcome by either what is meant to happen (Whatever that may be!) or by overcoming the actual worries. I do not believe either choice is simple or easy. I do not know what is meant for me and my path. I do not know God’s plan for me. I worry about that plan and I do not see how overcome worries when there is no clue or end in sight.

I guess I have to trust a little. Trust a little more in God and trust a little more in the human race to get me through this.

From Bedding to Success?

So, aside from the whole New Year’s resolutions thing, there is the whole aspect of finding one’s self because you do not know what the heck you are doing. At this point, that would be me.

Working in retail can kind of make you ask yourself, ‘What am I doing here?’ every once in awhile. The crazies you deal with and their choice of bedding can cause turmoil within! In all seriousness though, I have no clue what I am doing with my life or where I will end up. Yes, I realize no on does; no one can predict the future but come on, people! Sometimes I wonder regardless and would love an answer, an idea or just a hint! Am I meant to sell bedding and throws for awhile to move up the ladder? Is this something I need to invest more time in?

Really, this entry is about how I was working last night and came to thinking about moving forward and finding what I am meant to do. Am I up for the task of putting myself  out there? How does one sit down and figure it all out? How does one put themselves all in 100% everyday? Does that kind of motivation exist? Is it all confidence? Is it confidence and passion? I know I can figure this out but maybe I just do not believe in myself at this time.

Many would say I have drive and I do. I have the drive to work and work hard for my income and earnings. I have been blessed and given so much which has allowed me more opportunity. In return, I feel that I am capable of working as much as possible and caring for myself so no one fully has to. I know I have aspirations. I know I have goals.

I am thinking that working 3 jobs for about 3 months straight really took a toll on my thought process and faith in myself. It could also be the fact that when you feel alone in a new place, you feel so small; not as capable as you once were. It is all in my head and I need to snap out of it.

Maybe you have some inspirational words? Any wisdom you would like to share? 

Send it my way.

New Years Resolution #1 - Keeping a Budget

Here it goes with the listing of a typical New Years Resolution. I have taken on the task of sticking to a budget for my own sanity. Having worked 3 jobs at one time made me realize that if I stick to a strict budget and watch what I spend, I could work one job and enjoy my life more. The lightbulb has finally switched on!

      One gift I received for Christmas is “100 Meals for $5 or Less”. Once I started reading this book, it pushed me in the right direction to smart shopping and saving time. Maybe some people are already savvy when it comes to saving time and money at the grocery store. I need a lot of help when it comes to the weekly “milk, eggs and bread” purchases. 

        A few points that I have taken to heart from the book are:

1. Have a plan. Look and see what you have first in your cabinets and fridge and make a list. Then make a list of what you actually need at the store for recipes. Use everything that you have already to save money for your budget. Easy as pie.

1. Have a list. Typically, I would go in a store and just buy food at random and include it in my grocery budget. Many times, I did not even need these items and had no real use for them because I had no recipes to base them off of. Since reading this book, I have taken time to sit down and make a list of items I only need and have plans for. I have already noticed a big decrease in my grocery bill already.

1. Never shop hungry. This already may be known by most but every once in while due to our crazy schedules, we shop on an empty stomach.  I have done this too many times and when combined with my sweet tooth, I have ended up with more junk food one girl should consume.  So, my suggestions is bring a bottle of water with you or just purchase one as soon as you walk in. This is will suppress a soon-to-be raging appetite. 

 My owner pointer:

1. Organize your receipt for your budget when checking out. This is all done by how place your items on the conveyer belt. For my budget, I have a groceries budget, an apartment supplies budget, and one for my cats. I have simply put everything by category so when I am at home adding the totals, it is very easy to organize and figure out. It really saves time in the end. You can even highlight the categories, too, if you are more visual for categories. 

And there we go. This is one resolution in the works. I will try and keep you posted on my progress.

Yes, I Have Been On A Long Hiatus

      I would like to say it was needed seeing as I have been in a transition from one chapter to the next. Life seems so ordinary at this point but  so many tell me there is much that lies ahead. I am simply waiting to find out.