Thoroughly Depleted

I am not even sure where to begin but I can assure you this will not be an entry about how awful life is. My life is not awful; no where close to being anything painful, regretful, or unappreciated. Could I say that 6 months ago? Mostly likely not but that is the beauty of life, of living; nothing lasts forever and time heals everything.

As the singer/song writer, Imogean Heap writes, "Everybody says that time heals everything all in the end. But what of the wretched hollow? The endless in-between? Are we just going to wait it out?", I could not relate more. You truly do have to wait it out. Transitions are so hard especially when they are not welcomed; unexpected. I used to grit my teeth when one would say to me "Just let some time pass" or "It will get better soon". I never believed them because I felt so trapped in my current skin. I could not deal with the cards I had been dealt. I learned in time to play with what I had.

After months of self reflection, positive growth, and standing up for what I believe in, I've come to find I love who I've become. If I were still living my life with the same people around me, I would not be who I am today. If certain wake-ups calls did not occur, I would not be free from turmoil and pain. Had God's plan not happened, I would be missing out on so much. Now, I've chosen to be who I should be. I still have improvements to make but goodness, I have come a long way and I'm so proud.

You may be wondering why I titled this post "Thoroughly Depleted". This is because I am. While I'm thrilled with my personal progress, I feel drained emotionally and mentally. I'm still enduring the trails of life and my patience has been more than tested. I have been challenged in my heart and mind with many situations. Constantly trying to remain strong when harmful intentions are thrown my way is exhausting. We all experience this at some point in time and we can only strive to stay true to ourselves. Our good selves.

It seems I find myself carrying the weight of a lot around me, like some of my friendships, projects, etc. I feel that I put my heart into so much especially with my relationships with others and it seems it is not always returned. Balance is difficult. Putting yourself first is difficult when you are so willing to put others first. I do not have all the answers in order to fix the situations other than to be myself and continue to be consistent. I know this is one of the many aspects of life; we all experience trials but this comes at a time when I desire more acknowledgment in some of my relationships. I strive to love those around me in the way they should be loved; to be there when they need me. However, I am my own best friend and that is how it will always be. You can never fully rely on others to provide what you seek; it has to come within yourself. Myself and I are close.

Instead of ending on a slightly negative note, I want to propose the idea of keeping ourselves in check. Be honest with yourself. If you need to improve on how your treat your friends, others around you, or even yourself, start now. It is never too late to admit wrong-doing and change for the better. When hard times come, you will need those people to help you rise above it, otherwise, it will be difficult on your own. Be there for others and be good to them but more importantly, be there for yourself. Before you can be what others need, you need to be what you need first.

"⁹Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. ¹⁰Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. ¹¹Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. ¹²Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. ¹³Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality. - Romans 12:9-12