A Little Restoration Would be Nice

I am really hoping that I am on the right track at this point in my life. As I approach my 24th year of existence ( I sound so dramatic... ), I cannot help but think “When is this all going to make sense?”. Right now, I would really appreciate some understanding of what everything means. It does not seem to be getting any easier. And these are supposed to be the “years of my life”.

It is very possible and very likely that I just over think everything and I care too much. Actually, this makes complete sense seeing as I fall into the ENFJ (Meyers Briggs) category. There was a time when I was so confident and happy with my looks and actions. Due to life happenings and heartbreak, it took a toll on my soul; what makes me. Now, I seem to wonder if anything I say or do is right. Maybe this is why I have started to resort to staying in more and keeping to myself; that I am fighting. Life is saddening when you allow the effects of the past to continue to inflict damage in present time. 

I am just now realizing how true this is for me. While I am so happy with how things are turning out and love many aspects of my life, I feel so lost in other parts. I over think, I worry, I doubt and I never used to as much as I do now. I am only 24 but there are so many things I cannot unbend. There are some things that I take so seriously and maybe that is what makes me stand apart from other people my age. Am I taking this life too seriously at my age?

Finding a solution to all these thoughts and worries seems far fetched. I feel that some of my worries can only be overcome by either what is meant to happen (Whatever that may be!) or by overcoming the actual worries. I do not believe either choice is simple or easy. I do not know what is meant for me and my path. I do not know God’s plan for me. I worry about that plan and I do not see how overcome worries when there is no clue or end in sight.

I guess I have to trust a little. Trust a little more in God and trust a little more in the human race to get me through this.

From Bedding to Success?

So, aside from the whole New Year’s resolutions thing, there is the whole aspect of finding one’s self because you do not know what the heck you are doing. At this point, that would be me.

Working in retail can kind of make you ask yourself, ‘What am I doing here?’ every once in awhile. The crazies you deal with and their choice of bedding can cause turmoil within! In all seriousness though, I have no clue what I am doing with my life or where I will end up. Yes, I realize no on does; no one can predict the future but come on, people! Sometimes I wonder regardless and would love an answer, an idea or just a hint! Am I meant to sell bedding and throws for awhile to move up the ladder? Is this something I need to invest more time in?

Really, this entry is about how I was working last night and came to thinking about moving forward and finding what I am meant to do. Am I up for the task of putting myself  out there? How does one sit down and figure it all out? How does one put themselves all in 100% everyday? Does that kind of motivation exist? Is it all confidence? Is it confidence and passion? I know I can figure this out but maybe I just do not believe in myself at this time.

Many would say I have drive and I do. I have the drive to work and work hard for my income and earnings. I have been blessed and given so much which has allowed me more opportunity. In return, I feel that I am capable of working as much as possible and caring for myself so no one fully has to. I know I have aspirations. I know I have goals.

I am thinking that working 3 jobs for about 3 months straight really took a toll on my thought process and faith in myself. It could also be the fact that when you feel alone in a new place, you feel so small; not as capable as you once were. It is all in my head and I need to snap out of it.

Maybe you have some inspirational words? Any wisdom you would like to share? 

Send it my way.

New Years Resolution #1 - Keeping a Budget

Here it goes with the listing of a typical New Years Resolution. I have taken on the task of sticking to a budget for my own sanity. Having worked 3 jobs at one time made me realize that if I stick to a strict budget and watch what I spend, I could work one job and enjoy my life more. The lightbulb has finally switched on!

      One gift I received for Christmas is “100 Meals for $5 or Less”. Once I started reading this book, it pushed me in the right direction to smart shopping and saving time. Maybe some people are already savvy when it comes to saving time and money at the grocery store. I need a lot of help when it comes to the weekly “milk, eggs and bread” purchases. 

        A few points that I have taken to heart from the book are:

1. Have a plan. Look and see what you have first in your cabinets and fridge and make a list. Then make a list of what you actually need at the store for recipes. Use everything that you have already to save money for your budget. Easy as pie.

1. Have a list. Typically, I would go in a store and just buy food at random and include it in my grocery budget. Many times, I did not even need these items and had no real use for them because I had no recipes to base them off of. Since reading this book, I have taken time to sit down and make a list of items I only need and have plans for. I have already noticed a big decrease in my grocery bill already.

1. Never shop hungry. This already may be known by most but every once in while due to our crazy schedules, we shop on an empty stomach.  I have done this too many times and when combined with my sweet tooth, I have ended up with more junk food one girl should consume.  So, my suggestions is bring a bottle of water with you or just purchase one as soon as you walk in. This is will suppress a soon-to-be raging appetite. 

 My owner pointer:

1. Organize your receipt for your budget when checking out. This is all done by how place your items on the conveyer belt. For my budget, I have a groceries budget, an apartment supplies budget, and one for my cats. I have simply put everything by category so when I am at home adding the totals, it is very easy to organize and figure out. It really saves time in the end. You can even highlight the categories, too, if you are more visual for categories. 

And there we go. This is one resolution in the works. I will try and keep you posted on my progress.

Yes, I Have Been On A Long Hiatus

      I would like to say it was needed seeing as I have been in a transition from one chapter to the next. Life seems so ordinary at this point but  so many tell me there is much that lies ahead. I am simply waiting to find out.

In Transit

I am unable to sleep. I have had one of those lazy days which included so much needed sleep. Now, my brain does not seem like it wishes to shut off. Joy.

I know I have not written in some time but I have had no motivation to write. Work takes over my days and by the time I actually have a free moment, I want to waste it on Facebook or playing Zelda. Lame, I know but it is my life at the moment. I have a had summer of enjoyable fun. I have made money. I have visited my sister in NYC. I went to South America and Haiti. I have grown. You know, the typical.

Now what? Summer is coming to an end and I am moving to Nashville. Nashville is 20 or so hours from my home, my family, what I know outside of college. With college out of the way, Nashville is the only change from my ordinary life. I have no idea what to expect. This is the first time I will be venturing away from the norm I have always know. I am excited but also anxious. I want to be successful.


My mind has been engrossed lately in who I am becoming and how I come across to others. Does this mean I am obsessing with myself? No. Literally, I want to be proud of who I am and not succumb to the pressures of what the world holds. I am not perfect. I make mistakes. I piss people off. I am sure I even intimidate people when I choose not to smile. Most people think I am a jerk. At least I know who I am and who I am trying to be. I have a ways to go but I know those who really care about me love me for who I am in the here and now.  Just know though, I am trying to better myself. I always reflect on how to live my for the better on a daily basis. That has to count for something, right?

"Lives of Fisherman"

Dear Friends,

  

     I have decided to participate in a mission workshop trip to Haiti this coming July. My dear friend, Philip Holsinger, is directing and leading this amazing trip to five fishing villages in Haiti.  He has previously lived in Haiti for extended periods of time and truly loves the Haitian people. Through Philip, I have come to desire experiencing Haiti and all it has to offer. Philip’s example has encouraged me to show the joy of Christ to the Haitian people while using my passion for photography.

     I have an extrodianary love for photography which God has allowed me to pursue. While I enjoy taking pictures of my family, friends, nature, etc., I wish to do something more meaningful with my talent. I desire to capture the heart of Haiti with my lens and provide them with a voice through my photos. It is time for me to give back through my passion and through my Savior.

     I depart for Haiti on July 20^th and I will return on July 29^th.  While this may only be a nine day trip, much time and effort has gone into each day we are there. We will be making the most of our time with the Haitian people.

     If you would like contribute a donation to my Haiti mission fund, I would greatly appreciate your help. You may contact me for more information on how to contribute.

      If you have any questions regarding funding or our mission, please visit: http://witnessmission.com/index.html or contact Brandon Tittle at bctittle@harding.edu.

       I appreciate all your thoughts and prayers for our group and the people of Haiti.

                                                                      Your Friend in Him,

                                                                                              

                                                                                  Mary Caitlin

Necessary Update

     An update is needed. Life has been a bit crazy since the last time I wrote. I signed the lease to my first apartment, I graduated from college, I experienced South America and now I am home for my last Summer in CT. Life is changing faster than I can adjust to it.

I cannot completely explain what all I've experienced in words so I will explain with photos.

Signed the lease to my first apartment.

Nashville, TN
May 1st, 2010

Graduation Day

MAY 8th, 2010

 

   Paz is "Peace" in Portuguese 

This was on the side of the building in Rio

 South America: Brazil

May 12th, 2010

 

It was raining the day I arrived in Rio. There was artwork displayed along the highway as if they were trying to hide the slums in the background. The rain drops adds an eerie effect to this depiction of Christ.

 South America: Brazil

May 12th, 2010

 This was taken on the bus from the airport to Rio.

 I quickly took this shot while viewing the landscape. The cross towered above the slums.

 South America: Brazil

May 12th, 2010

 

There was an amazing cemetery in Buenos Aires, Argentina. I could not get enough of the beautiful sculptures and row and rows of tombs. Creepy or not, I found everything to be worth photographing.

South America: Argentina

May 2010

These came in handy during my South America trip.

For more South America pictures, you will have to wait until my next entry.

 

My bedroom in my Nashville,TN apartment. 

There are still a few changes to be made. So far, I am happy with the progress.

You can see my collection of my photography already hung. That could not wait. More decorations will be add later.

Vanity Area

Bathroom

This is how everything looked when I left a little over two weeks ago. I just found out earlier this week that my part of the apartment flooded a bit due to plumbing issues. FAIL. Oh well.

Now, I am home for the Summer living life after college.

Up next: South America and what I experienced.