Note to a Friend

School is insane right now and I can say I am beginning to feel the overwhelming effects of my big transition. It is so scary at times and then other times, I am so relaxed about it.
Unfortunately, I have not found a significant job yet in Interior Design but I am fine with "settling" for a job (most likely waitressing) with some kind of income. I am used to doing what I need to do to take care of myself. I try to remind myself that I will be ok.
My school has been pretty much my home for the past 5 years of my life. I love it to some extent. Part of me is ready to move though. I think it is certain people that really make my university what it is. If you don't have those people, you sometimes feel lost, even with it being a small, private university. I have many memories I have made here that I enjoy but I am ready for that next chapter. The next chapter in the real world.


It cannot come soon enough.

Speak no feeling, no I don't believe you.

You don't care a bit.

Sorry for the Rendezvous...

I felt it was time for an update. I actually felt that much earlier this month but with school, a trip to Kansas City, a trip home and now school once more, I guess you could say that I haven't had the time. All in all, life has been pleasant.

When I last wrote, I spoke of being depleted and I would like to say that I've allowed time for thinking and some peace and quiet. That is not to say that I have not become frustrated or discouraged by friendships in my life. Oh, I have. The most important thing that I can remind myself is to take care of myself. I need to come first for a little while. Sometimes, I need to let others come second, as selfish as that sounds. In this time of my life, I am about to begin a new chapter and it demands attention.

How do I feel about graduating and moving away from my small college town of five years? Bittersweet. More so sweet. There are many parts of college and my own college that I will miss but at the moment, I am more than ready to start on a new leaf. I want to be challenged. I want to me new people. I want to live in a different place and call it home. Who knows if I will adapt the way I hope to but I cannot wait to find out. I believe God has a great plan for me to enjoy if I am willing. I would say I am willing.

The perks of being in my senior year are knowing what is right around the corner. Of course we all know what comes with senior year. Senior projects, internships, resumes, interviews galore, and many, many hard decisions.

I recently put up my senior interior design show. Yes, interior design is my major for those of you that do not know! That is for another post. It was challenging to work all the pieces together and get the details just right but I did it. I accomplished one of my last senior projects! I finished my resume and I've received some great feedback about it's strength. I hope that means I will find a decent job starting out. Now, to send my resume out everywhere! My digital portfolio is done and ready to be sent out across the globe (not really!) and I am relieved to have that taken care of. Little by little, I am wrapping up my last semester of college and little by little, it is hitting me.

I am almost done. I am almost out in the 'real world'. I am almost 23. Yikes!

Thoroughly Depleted

I am not even sure where to begin but I can assure you this will not be an entry about how awful life is. My life is not awful; no where close to being anything painful, regretful, or unappreciated. Could I say that 6 months ago? Mostly likely not but that is the beauty of life, of living; nothing lasts forever and time heals everything.

As the singer/song writer, Imogean Heap writes, "Everybody says that time heals everything all in the end. But what of the wretched hollow? The endless in-between? Are we just going to wait it out?", I could not relate more. You truly do have to wait it out. Transitions are so hard especially when they are not welcomed; unexpected. I used to grit my teeth when one would say to me "Just let some time pass" or "It will get better soon". I never believed them because I felt so trapped in my current skin. I could not deal with the cards I had been dealt. I learned in time to play with what I had.

After months of self reflection, positive growth, and standing up for what I believe in, I've come to find I love who I've become. If I were still living my life with the same people around me, I would not be who I am today. If certain wake-ups calls did not occur, I would not be free from turmoil and pain. Had God's plan not happened, I would be missing out on so much. Now, I've chosen to be who I should be. I still have improvements to make but goodness, I have come a long way and I'm so proud.

You may be wondering why I titled this post "Thoroughly Depleted". This is because I am. While I'm thrilled with my personal progress, I feel drained emotionally and mentally. I'm still enduring the trails of life and my patience has been more than tested. I have been challenged in my heart and mind with many situations. Constantly trying to remain strong when harmful intentions are thrown my way is exhausting. We all experience this at some point in time and we can only strive to stay true to ourselves. Our good selves.

It seems I find myself carrying the weight of a lot around me, like some of my friendships, projects, etc. I feel that I put my heart into so much especially with my relationships with others and it seems it is not always returned. Balance is difficult. Putting yourself first is difficult when you are so willing to put others first. I do not have all the answers in order to fix the situations other than to be myself and continue to be consistent. I know this is one of the many aspects of life; we all experience trials but this comes at a time when I desire more acknowledgment in some of my relationships. I strive to love those around me in the way they should be loved; to be there when they need me. However, I am my own best friend and that is how it will always be. You can never fully rely on others to provide what you seek; it has to come within yourself. Myself and I are close.

Instead of ending on a slightly negative note, I want to propose the idea of keeping ourselves in check. Be honest with yourself. If you need to improve on how your treat your friends, others around you, or even yourself, start now. It is never too late to admit wrong-doing and change for the better. When hard times come, you will need those people to help you rise above it, otherwise, it will be difficult on your own. Be there for others and be good to them but more importantly, be there for yourself. Before you can be what others need, you need to be what you need first.

"⁹Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. ¹⁰Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. ¹¹Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. ¹²Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. ¹³Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality. - Romans 12:9-12

Pray.

Yes. Please.

Watkins College of Art and Design

Photography

Photography is an evolving, dynamic medium and the images produced are as unique as the photographers who make them. Bring an exploratory spirit, creative ideas, and a desire to be challenged.

OUR MISSION

Students create artwork through understanding photographic processes and materials, critical thinking and creative techniques. Students produce and present work representing individual creativity and technical competence. Graduates of the program are prepared to enter a career as a professional artist or to continue their education through the pursuit of an MFA degree.

OUR PROGRAM

Photography at Watkins College is a dynamic program where you will gain technical and aesthetic skills in a variety of mediums. Beginning with a fine arts foundation, your studies take you into an exploration of the historical context of photography. You delve deeply into the fundamentals of black and white photography and then advance to studies in color and digital imagery. Experimental video classes will prepare you to embrace technology and multimedia. Alternative processes will build an understanding of historical techniques. Studio lighting will give you the technical expertise in artificial light with creative interpretation for both commercial and fine art photography. Internship opportunities, preparation of your senior thesis exhibition and the study of professional practices prepare you to begin your career as a photographer.

Graphic Design

Graphic Design is a stimulating and challenging career choice. It is also a complex study requiring creativity, artistic talent, and eye for details, conceptual thinking, technical skills and the ability to communicate clearly and concisely.

OUR MISSION

Students of the Graphic Design Department at Watkins will graduate with a professional quality, entry-level portfolio that shows technical competence, solid knowledge of design principles and highly conceptual solutions to communications problems in print, illustration and web-based and interactive media.

OUR PROGRAM

The BFA in Graphic Design at Watkins College begins with a strong foundation in the basic principles and elements of design and typography. The curriculum then builds in complexity until students graduate with a professional, high quality, entry-level portfolio.

Coursework effectively covers art, design, typography, technology, professional practices and the history of art and design. Small class sizes allow for each student to have individual consultations with faculty at every stage of their assigned projects. Graphic design electives, including internships with area advertising and design agencies, enhance each students education.

The curriculum culminates in the capstone course, Senior Portfolio Development, where each graduating senior works with senior faculty to polish off his/her portfolio. Finally, the graduating class, as a team, puts together a senior exhibition that features their portfolios. As many as 400 friends, family and design professional have attended this exhibition.

This would be a dream come true if I could do this....

Oh, life. You always surprise me.

I'm looking forward to when things make sense.

The end.