In Transit

I am unable to sleep. I have had one of those lazy days which included so much needed sleep. Now, my brain does not seem like it wishes to shut off. Joy.

I know I have not written in some time but I have had no motivation to write. Work takes over my days and by the time I actually have a free moment, I want to waste it on Facebook or playing Zelda. Lame, I know but it is my life at the moment. I have a had summer of enjoyable fun. I have made money. I have visited my sister in NYC. I went to South America and Haiti. I have grown. You know, the typical.

Now what? Summer is coming to an end and I am moving to Nashville. Nashville is 20 or so hours from my home, my family, what I know outside of college. With college out of the way, Nashville is the only change from my ordinary life. I have no idea what to expect. This is the first time I will be venturing away from the norm I have always know. I am excited but also anxious. I want to be successful.


My mind has been engrossed lately in who I am becoming and how I come across to others. Does this mean I am obsessing with myself? No. Literally, I want to be proud of who I am and not succumb to the pressures of what the world holds. I am not perfect. I make mistakes. I piss people off. I am sure I even intimidate people when I choose not to smile. Most people think I am a jerk. At least I know who I am and who I am trying to be. I have a ways to go but I know those who really care about me love me for who I am in the here and now.  Just know though, I am trying to better myself. I always reflect on how to live my for the better on a daily basis. That has to count for something, right?

"Lives of Fisherman"

Dear Friends,

  

     I have decided to participate in a mission workshop trip to Haiti this coming July. My dear friend, Philip Holsinger, is directing and leading this amazing trip to five fishing villages in Haiti.  He has previously lived in Haiti for extended periods of time and truly loves the Haitian people. Through Philip, I have come to desire experiencing Haiti and all it has to offer. Philip’s example has encouraged me to show the joy of Christ to the Haitian people while using my passion for photography.

     I have an extrodianary love for photography which God has allowed me to pursue. While I enjoy taking pictures of my family, friends, nature, etc., I wish to do something more meaningful with my talent. I desire to capture the heart of Haiti with my lens and provide them with a voice through my photos. It is time for me to give back through my passion and through my Savior.

     I depart for Haiti on July 20^th and I will return on July 29^th.  While this may only be a nine day trip, much time and effort has gone into each day we are there. We will be making the most of our time with the Haitian people.

     If you would like contribute a donation to my Haiti mission fund, I would greatly appreciate your help. You may contact me for more information on how to contribute.

      If you have any questions regarding funding or our mission, please visit: http://witnessmission.com/index.html or contact Brandon Tittle at bctittle@harding.edu.

       I appreciate all your thoughts and prayers for our group and the people of Haiti.

                                                                      Your Friend in Him,

                                                                                              

                                                                                  Mary Caitlin

Necessary Update

     An update is needed. Life has been a bit crazy since the last time I wrote. I signed the lease to my first apartment, I graduated from college, I experienced South America and now I am home for my last Summer in CT. Life is changing faster than I can adjust to it.

I cannot completely explain what all I've experienced in words so I will explain with photos.

Signed the lease to my first apartment.

Nashville, TN
May 1st, 2010

Graduation Day

MAY 8th, 2010

 

   Paz is "Peace" in Portuguese 

This was on the side of the building in Rio

 South America: Brazil

May 12th, 2010

 

It was raining the day I arrived in Rio. There was artwork displayed along the highway as if they were trying to hide the slums in the background. The rain drops adds an eerie effect to this depiction of Christ.

 South America: Brazil

May 12th, 2010

 This was taken on the bus from the airport to Rio.

 I quickly took this shot while viewing the landscape. The cross towered above the slums.

 South America: Brazil

May 12th, 2010

 

There was an amazing cemetery in Buenos Aires, Argentina. I could not get enough of the beautiful sculptures and row and rows of tombs. Creepy or not, I found everything to be worth photographing.

South America: Argentina

May 2010

These came in handy during my South America trip.

For more South America pictures, you will have to wait until my next entry.

 

My bedroom in my Nashville,TN apartment. 

There are still a few changes to be made. So far, I am happy with the progress.

You can see my collection of my photography already hung. That could not wait. More decorations will be add later.

Vanity Area

Bathroom

This is how everything looked when I left a little over two weeks ago. I just found out earlier this week that my part of the apartment flooded a bit due to plumbing issues. FAIL. Oh well.

Now, I am home for the Summer living life after college.

Up next: South America and what I experienced.

Note to a Friend

School is insane right now and I can say I am beginning to feel the overwhelming effects of my big transition. It is so scary at times and then other times, I am so relaxed about it.
Unfortunately, I have not found a significant job yet in Interior Design but I am fine with "settling" for a job (most likely waitressing) with some kind of income. I am used to doing what I need to do to take care of myself. I try to remind myself that I will be ok.
My school has been pretty much my home for the past 5 years of my life. I love it to some extent. Part of me is ready to move though. I think it is certain people that really make my university what it is. If you don't have those people, you sometimes feel lost, even with it being a small, private university. I have many memories I have made here that I enjoy but I am ready for that next chapter. The next chapter in the real world.


It cannot come soon enough.

Speak no feeling, no I don't believe you.

You don't care a bit.

Sorry for the Rendezvous...

I felt it was time for an update. I actually felt that much earlier this month but with school, a trip to Kansas City, a trip home and now school once more, I guess you could say that I haven't had the time. All in all, life has been pleasant.

When I last wrote, I spoke of being depleted and I would like to say that I've allowed time for thinking and some peace and quiet. That is not to say that I have not become frustrated or discouraged by friendships in my life. Oh, I have. The most important thing that I can remind myself is to take care of myself. I need to come first for a little while. Sometimes, I need to let others come second, as selfish as that sounds. In this time of my life, I am about to begin a new chapter and it demands attention.

How do I feel about graduating and moving away from my small college town of five years? Bittersweet. More so sweet. There are many parts of college and my own college that I will miss but at the moment, I am more than ready to start on a new leaf. I want to be challenged. I want to me new people. I want to live in a different place and call it home. Who knows if I will adapt the way I hope to but I cannot wait to find out. I believe God has a great plan for me to enjoy if I am willing. I would say I am willing.

The perks of being in my senior year are knowing what is right around the corner. Of course we all know what comes with senior year. Senior projects, internships, resumes, interviews galore, and many, many hard decisions.

I recently put up my senior interior design show. Yes, interior design is my major for those of you that do not know! That is for another post. It was challenging to work all the pieces together and get the details just right but I did it. I accomplished one of my last senior projects! I finished my resume and I've received some great feedback about it's strength. I hope that means I will find a decent job starting out. Now, to send my resume out everywhere! My digital portfolio is done and ready to be sent out across the globe (not really!) and I am relieved to have that taken care of. Little by little, I am wrapping up my last semester of college and little by little, it is hitting me.

I am almost done. I am almost out in the 'real world'. I am almost 23. Yikes!

Thoroughly Depleted

I am not even sure where to begin but I can assure you this will not be an entry about how awful life is. My life is not awful; no where close to being anything painful, regretful, or unappreciated. Could I say that 6 months ago? Mostly likely not but that is the beauty of life, of living; nothing lasts forever and time heals everything.

As the singer/song writer, Imogean Heap writes, "Everybody says that time heals everything all in the end. But what of the wretched hollow? The endless in-between? Are we just going to wait it out?", I could not relate more. You truly do have to wait it out. Transitions are so hard especially when they are not welcomed; unexpected. I used to grit my teeth when one would say to me "Just let some time pass" or "It will get better soon". I never believed them because I felt so trapped in my current skin. I could not deal with the cards I had been dealt. I learned in time to play with what I had.

After months of self reflection, positive growth, and standing up for what I believe in, I've come to find I love who I've become. If I were still living my life with the same people around me, I would not be who I am today. If certain wake-ups calls did not occur, I would not be free from turmoil and pain. Had God's plan not happened, I would be missing out on so much. Now, I've chosen to be who I should be. I still have improvements to make but goodness, I have come a long way and I'm so proud.

You may be wondering why I titled this post "Thoroughly Depleted". This is because I am. While I'm thrilled with my personal progress, I feel drained emotionally and mentally. I'm still enduring the trails of life and my patience has been more than tested. I have been challenged in my heart and mind with many situations. Constantly trying to remain strong when harmful intentions are thrown my way is exhausting. We all experience this at some point in time and we can only strive to stay true to ourselves. Our good selves.

It seems I find myself carrying the weight of a lot around me, like some of my friendships, projects, etc. I feel that I put my heart into so much especially with my relationships with others and it seems it is not always returned. Balance is difficult. Putting yourself first is difficult when you are so willing to put others first. I do not have all the answers in order to fix the situations other than to be myself and continue to be consistent. I know this is one of the many aspects of life; we all experience trials but this comes at a time when I desire more acknowledgment in some of my relationships. I strive to love those around me in the way they should be loved; to be there when they need me. However, I am my own best friend and that is how it will always be. You can never fully rely on others to provide what you seek; it has to come within yourself. Myself and I are close.

Instead of ending on a slightly negative note, I want to propose the idea of keeping ourselves in check. Be honest with yourself. If you need to improve on how your treat your friends, others around you, or even yourself, start now. It is never too late to admit wrong-doing and change for the better. When hard times come, you will need those people to help you rise above it, otherwise, it will be difficult on your own. Be there for others and be good to them but more importantly, be there for yourself. Before you can be what others need, you need to be what you need first.

"⁹Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. ¹⁰Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. ¹¹Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. ¹²Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. ¹³Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality. - Romans 12:9-12